I've been to Nebraska twice since I last wrote so I it's about time I give you an update! I saw Dr. B in November and it was an incredible trip. I saw him for two days and there were some major breakthroughs physically as well as emotionally. I wrote about that over at Broken but Priceless so feel free to check it out if you haven't already: Broken Hallelujah.
As for the details of the trip, I learned that I'm my mother's child. Really, Dr. B kept saying over and over again "They're twins!". So here's the skinny, all of the labels that doctors have put on me over the years mean nothing. The root cause of everything is Lyme Disease. I've been tested for this many times, but Dr. B explained that my body is so weak that it can't produce the necessary indicators to show up in blood tests.
There are several different types of Lyme Disease. I fall into tier two which is cell wall deficient bacteria that attacks my muscles and joints. I Googled this on my phone on the way home and what I found shocked me because it explained everything...it explained ME! If you want to see a summary chart, click HERE and check out the Cell-Wall-Deficient category in the middle. Crazy stuff, right?! Here are a few of the highlights:
* Causative bacteria in many Lyme Disease symptoms and problems. As or more dangerous than spirochete form. Very difficult to treat.
* Often misdiagnosed as autoimmune or psychiatric disorders and mistreated with steroids, painkillers, antidepressants. Symptoms are often deemed idiopathic. Very low success rate.
If you're wondering where I picked up Lyme Disease you may be surprised. Yes, I live in an area where there are tics, but in order to have this type of Lymes I would have had to be exposed to it several times. Contrary to popular belief, it can spread through human contact. Enter my "twin". I most likely got it from mom. Her symptoms look a little different from mine only because of our differing metabolism rates. Hers is tier one. Different symptoms, same disease.
Lyme Disease is very difficult to treat when it's been in your body for so long. Cell wall deficient lymes is even more difficult to treat. That being said, Dr. B thinks it will take about two years to get rid of it. The incredible news is, when it's gone I'll be healthier than I've ever been. Ever!
This last trip to see Sara just recently was exhausting. We're getting stronger so she can treat us more aggressively. Dr. B gave us some really strong stuff to take at home and Sara's continuing to pile it on. What that looks like for me the last several days has been fevers, nausea, fatigue, kidney pain, muscle and joint pain. It's been rough, but I know that those symptoms mean bad junk is getting out of me. I hate it, but I accept it.
My body is going through a lot right now, working so hard to get rid of things. I need sleep, but sleep has not been coming easily. I cough, I feel like puking, everything hurts, I can't get comfortable...you get the idea. Please pray for good, restorative sleep. I'm moving this week, hoping to be fully moved in by this weekend. I'm so looking forward to being in the new house, but it's going to be a challenge to get there. Thankfully I have some really good help! My new "big girl bed" is adjustable and on nights when I feel nauseous and I'm in pain and can't stop coughing being able to have my head and knees up is going to be an incredible blessing!
Oh no, I almost forgot to tell you the really good news...all my major worms and parasites are dead!!! Hooray! However, now we need to get the dead bodies, and everything they've left behind (trust me, you don't want me to go into details here) out of me. No wonder I feel so crappy!
A few nights ago as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, I had a talk with God. I had just read a blog from an international worker serving in Asia. It was the story of how she met and started dating her husband. Something she wrote really stuck with me. She said that when she started to like this guy she asked her friends to pray for her, that she would guard her heart. Instead her friend prayed that she would finally be able to feel. If you read my Broken Hallelujah post you know God's starting to work on my emotions. I'm coming to realize that I, too, have done too good of a job "guarding my heart". I need to let myself feel things. It's a scary thing. I've been scared of letting myself go there. If I admit how hard being sick is, if I let myself feel the full weight of the emotions surrounding illness what will happen? Will I be able to survive the weight of the pain and sadness or will it crush me? If I don't go there I don't have to deal with it. But I have to deal with it. I have to allow myself to feel.
Late at night, talking to God, I knew I had to tell you this. Maybe I just needed to write about it and get my thoughts out or maybe you need to learn how to feel too. Maybe I need the accountability. So I thought to myself, "Self, you need to update Josie's Jericho and tell your friends and family what you're going through." Then I realized the irony of my own blog. Josie's Jericho. Yes friends, I have some mighty big walls that need to come tumbling down. I've been reinforcing them for years. They're thick and they're tall and they're strong. But my God can cause them to come crashing down with one shout of obedience!
Please pray for me. Pray that God will be gentle with me and that I won't be afraid to do the hard work of healing, inside and out. Pray for strength to finish this week well, pace myself and take care of myself.
Thank you for helping me break down the walls I've built. May God bless you this Christmas season as you remember the gift that is Jesus. It doesn't cost you anything to invite Jesus into your life, but following Him may cost you everything. How can He fill us with Himself if we're still full of ourselves? Something to think about... Merry Christmas!
"It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days,
and the walls came crashing down." ~Hebrews 11:30, NLT
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