A Storm is Coming

I want to thank you for your prayers and overwhelming support over the last couple of days. The days have been difficult, but your encouragement and prayers have been a blessing.

I got a phone call from my doctor's office in Rochester yesterday afternoon saying that he couldn't talk about medicine changes until he sees me. His next available appointment is June 15th. I took the appointment and called my doctor in Eau Claire today. She said that she called his office as requested yesterday and they said that they had already set up an appointment to see me and wouldn't talk about med changes until then. She asked me to keep that appointment and see what he says. If he is helpful and changes my medication, great. If not, we will seek a second opinion at that time. And by second opinion I mean we'll fire his butt and find a new doctor! I know this is the best option. He knows my history, I won't have to go through more testing (except lab work) to see him and he did mention changing medications at my last appointment. However, that was when he thought I was having an allergic reaction to them, not because they weren't working well enough (which they haven't been for a while). I've been off and on medications since October. I've been stuck in bed for months, then got a boost of energy with prednisone. Now the prednisone is causing its own problems and I need to go off of that.

Right now I'm reading through a series that I loved when I was a kid. It's a fun, easy read and takes my mind off of how grumpy I feel. I just read about a run-a-way team of horses. I feel like I'm in the back of the wagon holding on for dear life and not having a lick of control over what happens to me. It's a terrible feeling! But you know what? When I feel like I am loosing control and when I come to the end of my own strength, that is when the light of Christ shines brighter than ever. My dear friend Emily just sent me an e-mail. She reminded me of Psalm 28:8. It says, "The Lord gives strength to his people; He is the saving refuge of His anointed." I know that my God is for me. He will give me strength and He will be my saving refuge.

Outside there is a storm brewing. The winds are howling, our little apartment is shuddering and the sun has hidden itself behind the grey clouds. When the weather changes, my body hurts. Today is no different. I feel like another storm is coming. The Bible says that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." -Ephesians 6:12-13 (NIV) Will you stand with me? Will you help me fight? When my physical body is attacked, it is hard to put on the full armor of God and stand. When you take a beating it is so easy to just lay down and give up. But I will fight! I will put on the full armor of God and stand against the attacks of the evil one.

There is a song that has been running through my head today. It's called Before the Morning, by Josh Wilson. It's where I am right now. It's dark but the morning is coming! I leave you with the words of the song so that you also can be encouraged today in whatever trials you are facing:

Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?

If there's a God who loves you where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

And all those things are happening to bring a better ending

Some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

That you still have a reason to sing?

'Cause the pain you've been feeling

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

'Cause the pain you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

And you know where you're going

You just don't know how you get there so just say a prayer.

And hold on, 'cause there's good for those who love God,

But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time

But you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe

That you still have a reason to sing?

'Cause the pain you've been feeling

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 

It's just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning,

Yeah, yeah

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe

That you still have a reason to sing?

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

Come on, you got to wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the hurt before the healing

Oh, the pain that you've been feeling,

It's just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning

Will You Pray?

Blow-fish (photographer unknown)

Hello friends,

I have something that I would like to ask you to pray about with me. As most of you know I have two rheumatologists. My rheumy here in Eau Claire is amazing. She really cares about me and is doing everything to help me feel better. We have talked for quite some time about changing the main medication I am on (methotrexate). Even though it helps a lot, it doesn't help enough and it seems like the negative side effects are starting to outweigh the benefits. I have been off and on it since October for various reasons. She thinks it is time to make the switch. I also see a rheumy at Mayo in Rochester, MN. My doctor in Eau Claire sends me there when she wants a second opinion. My doctor in Eau Claire and I have both been trying to get a hold of my doctor in Rochester and it has not gone well. He hasn't been returning calls or letters. I was told that we could call him when I met with my doctor in Eau Claire on Tuesday afternoon. When we called we found out that he was in a completely different city that day! My doctor and I were both frustrated. We were told that he would call her back on Thursday or she could try calling him again if she doesn't hear from him.We are not very hopeful that she will be able to talk to him and that he will be helpful. If he isn't we are going to try a different doctor that she has had better luck working with.

All that said, please pray that my two rheumatologists would be able to connect tomorrow. Pray that they would have a good conversation and agree on a new mediation. Talking to both of them, they have very different ideas of what to try next. Pray for wisdom for both of them, pray for a willingness to listen to each other and pray for peace for me as I wait to hear what they decide (or don't decide).

I haven't been feeling well. The last month I've been on a prednisone experiment. Today I started tapering off of that because the side effects are outweighing the benefits. The only good thing that has happened is that I have gained weight being on the prednisone. However, I have also acquired what I call the "prednisone puff." My face is swelling from the meds and it hurts because of the disease. The best way I can describe it is like a blow-fish, puffy face with pins sticking into me.

Today was another pretty bad day. I don't feel well, I don't sleep well at night which makes me not feel well during the day and I'm concerned about new medications and what all of that will mean. I know the side effects of the numerous medications they are thinking of trying next and none of them are good. I know God is in control and that He already knows what is going to happen. I know that my life is not my own and I can't control it. However, I can control how I respond to the things that happen to me. I am trying to stay positive and put my trust in God. Putting my trust in God is the easy part, staying positive is more of a challenge. It's hard to be positive when you're so tired and feel so sick. It's like having a bad case of the flu that never goes away...ever. There might be a day here or there that isn't as bad as the others, but it's always there. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I'm just trying to help you get a picture of how tired I feel right now and much I need your prayers to get through this most recent bump in the road. I'll make it through with God at my side holding my hand. I'll come out on the other side because of your prayers and encouragement. What would I do without all of the people who love me, pray for me and encourage me? Thank you!

My friend Katie Jo shared some verses on Facebook last night and they were just what I needed to hear right now.

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you Katie Jo!