So Here's The Deal...

Hello dear friends,

I wanted to share with you the results of my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I will continue taking the medication that I am on and add a new medication to that. This new medication is supposed to really help my joint pain, however it could give me some not too pleasant side effects. I will start the medication with four pills on Monday and every two weeks take one more pill until I am up to 10 pills a week. The nice thing is that I only have to take them once a week! Every two weeks I will have to get lab work done to make sure that my body is doing okay and not being harmed. Please pray with me that my body will react to this new medication well, that it will work, and that I will not experience any side effects (especially vomiting - I HATE throwing up and avoid it at all costs, even if I know it would make me feel better)!

My doctor also told me that I could not go overseas any time soon. She said that if it was up to her, I would never go overseas. As you might imagine, this was not what I wanted to hear. I have dreamt of being a missionary my whole life. It is what God has laid on my heart and prepared me to do. I have dedicated my entire life getting education and training so that I could serve Him in the least reached places of the world. So to have to stay breaks my heart. As of today I am not a missionary appointee with the C&MA anymore. It seems as if everything is being stripped away. I didn't realize how much value I placed on the title "missionary" until it was taken away. I am left with just me. Just the quiet, shy Josie that is scared to speak in public and often unsure of herself. The missionary Josie was outgoing and confident and knew where she was going and what she wanted out of life. Now it is just me and God. And I praise Him for that. If this is what it takes to make me dependent on God and God alone then I welcome it and thank Him for it. My identity is not in a title, it is in Jesus Christ.

In the Christian and Missionary Alliance we believe in the Fourfold Gospel. We look to Jesus Christ as our Savior, Sanctifier, Healer and Coming King. I have experienced Jesus as my Savior and Sanctifier and look forward to the day when He will return as my Coming King. Now I look to Christ as my Healer. These are not just things that I have written papers on and are a part of my church. They are things that I believe with all my heart. I know that Jesus can heal me completely and I ask you to pray that with me.

It is my prayer that one day I will call up the C&MA, tell them that I am better and ready to go to the ends of the earth for my Lord. Until that day my home will be in the United States. I will work towards getting better, pray for healing and make my life here until the Lord tells me it is time to go. I don't know why I am not able to go overseas at this point, but I trust that God is Sovereign. He has a plan and it will be accomplished. If His plan is for me to be in the United States right now (or forever), then I welcome it, accept it and praise Him for it.

"I will extol the Lord at all times, His praise will always be on my lips." ~Psalm 34:1

Joys and Pains

Hello dear friends!

This picture is from my brother's wedding. Well, actually Isaac and Brooklyn got married in December. Since they got married at the courthouse this was a vow renewal ceremony. They wanted a chance to celebrate with family and friends and do all the wedding stuff! It was a beautiful day and even though we decided not to have it in our yard as planned (we thought it was going to rain) we still got to take lots of pictures outside in the yard.

Many of you have been asking me how I have been feeling. Well, the weather and weather changes affect my body a lot and for the past week or two it has been rainy with storms mixed in there. So needless to say, I have been very sore. However, I am praising God that the sun has been out the last two days and I am feeling much better. Unfortunately storms are in the forecast again for the rest of the week! There are some other things as well (without giving you too many unnecessary details!) that are not so encouraging. I have a feeling I know what my doctor is going to tell me next time I see her and it isn't good news. I have my next appointment a week from today, next Tuesday (June 17) at 2:30pm. I would appreciate your prayers for wisdom for the doctor and for me to be able to accept whatever it is she tells me. I also know that God can still heal me completely and I am still praying for that. Won't you pray with me?!

Also pray for finances. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with health insurance. I am currently on major medical only and have been looking for something that will cover me better. However, I have been denied by several insurance companies even though I have not been diagnosed with anything. My bills from the last set of tests was over $3,000. I need good health insurance and I have no idea how to get it at this point!

So, that is my update for now. Not much news until next week, but I wanted to let you know what is going on and ask for your prayers. I am feeling stressed out knowing that my life will dramatically change next week. Either I will have to really get going on things so I can go overseas in February or I am going to have to figure out what God wants me to do with the rest of my life. (Okay, maybe not the rest of my life, but what next steps He wants me to take if I am to stay in the states for a while!) I am not a very "emotional" person. Okay, so I have emotions, but I am not very good at figuring out what to do with them or how to express them. Please pray that I would have good times with the Lord and outlets to express how I am feeling.

Although I do not understand what God is doing in all of this, I know that He has a plan and I can trust Him to bring me through it. It will not be easy and I will be discouraged at times, but I KNOW He is good and will use me to accomplish His purposes.

Thank you all for who you are and what you mean to me.